The willingness to do work

Work has many different meanings. Physical or mental, the practicality of a person, place or thing. Moving towards a goal, traveling from point A to point B, cultivation, influencing, what ever it is, it's work and work is not easy.
There is something that has to be present, an element, a drive, a composition, attitude, heart, a willingness, to sacrifice yourself for it. To put just a little extra out there, in order to get less than nothing back. It's not about giving up a dollar to get five back, it's about trying to squeeze a dime out of two pennies and knowing that is the only way the you can do the job. Without cutting corners, without taking off the top, no cheating involved, work is not dishonest. It's compromise, selflessly giving, pushing, never taking, going going going, still knowing that after completion you still have to do work. The willingness.
The willingness is what I have, and work is what I do. To express who i am, I build, create, till, sow, push, lift, think, feel, comprehend, condense, live. Work and the willingness to do work defines me and explained to people who I am, tha I am willing to expel blood sweat and tears, put it on the line and for what, just to do the task at hand. Not to be put on a pedestal or to be rewarded, validated by anyone else, just for a piece of mind, that I did something positive. That I changed events, that I made someone happy even if I didn't see the smile or hear the laugh, that I am reliable, make a difference, stand out, be an individual. All these things are a positive outcome, but not an instant harvest, the amount put in is greater than the crop, anyone that does work, work as in the meaning of work, knows. I do work, to change how I feel about me, to change the world. The willingness to do work

waking up bruised

it seemed dead today.. but piercings flowed in and went smooth... I still love piercing... I had some cravings.. but I easily crushed them with the fear of how gross it makes me feel thinking about sugar now... I got in a fight with ice today.. wrecked the old bike twice.. on the same side.. my hip and elbow will be bruised... my wrist is a little swollen.. bike is fine... remember.. I can't go fast like I can when it's dry... tomorrow is party night.. I am interested in meeting these people for real.. I need a push.. a har push to be that person I was when I worked out all the time.. I am doing the best myself.. but a little unity helps a person grow stronger

2011.. the new dawn

I've set myself apart... I've felt like being alone is the best for me.... I am everything I need and no one can hurt me... this is what I've thought for the last few years... I felt I've never fit in... that I have no place... that I can't be loved or have deep relationships with people... I have no home or family... I've tried and tried and tried to connect and failed... I did all this on my own terms.. having terrible expectations on people that I had no control over... I made myself an asshole... no surprise... all the relationships I've had with woman and friends.. short lived... fair weathered... I've moved place to place, searching for something different... I was never impressed.... All I had was me...

But something happened....

I took accountability for my actions... I realized that I did this... I don't have to anymore...

I am working on it now.. working one it... legitimately... I just want to be happy.. I want to be healthy... I want to be wise.. I want to grow old... I've set goals.... It's been 5 days since I've eaten candy or drank soda.... I signed up for the Warrior Dash on Jan 5th.... I'm going back to doing crossfit, and surprisingly have been invited into a tight knit group quickly... 2010 I did a lot of changing and growing up... but this year I build a real foundation.... I am happy right now.. I just see myself getting happier.... I see more growth... maturity.... strength... I feel like myself.. I feel like I'm worth sharing...

this is where is starts
I'm 240 lbs... now it's time to set records and cut down to what I feel is comfortable... right now this is what I look like

this year is time for a change... but it's a change for the better... it's a change that is wanted and understood... it's time to open up... move forward... break free.. To be Alive again!

A mission if you choose to except it

FISTED

Sarvas

Nukka say what

I packed a bag that weighed in at 50 lbs... It had clothes for a week... Smelly stuff for my pits, razors and other bath stuff... Swim trunks... My C-Pap... A rice cooker... 1lb of rice and instant Indian food to save money... The best part is two 1.75 L bottles of homage bewze we have dubbed "Time Travel Juice" or now I will call it TTJ #1 and TTJ #2... The name says it all... I was worried it wouldn't get through and on the plane with me to Vegas... Thought it was too heavy... Nope... I even told them what was in it... Guy grabbed it.. Exrayed it and pushed it through... Bam... As far as I know it will meet me in Vegas... And the party will be complete... I'll post a Vlog a day... Hope you enjoy!

Edit: luggage was not lost.. TTJ is in Vegas


Sarvas

Ended up at a gay bar.. and other things

Photo Blast

these are the pillars that let you know that you are in the gayborhood... "Boys Town" is what they call it here... those a the most phallic things in the city with rainbow ribs... for your pleasure on them...


then I saw a drag show... that is a disco ball suit... yeah.. fuckin weird huh...


here is a painting of a hot dog I did for a friend...

I can also be found here

http://www.youlookridiculous.blogspot.com/ an interview at the Todd Blog

Not that life is boring

I have just been lazy... lazy in a good way... just taking a break and going with the flow... taking pics.. going out... avoiding the cold while still having fun.... so... I went to a burlesque show that didn't really gross me out due to fatness...

there was a girl reppin chanika but she danced to a spanish song and looked like frida without the uni brow...
I took all these pics to post but I forgot why... the fact is .... I partied... it's warmer than it should be... and I'm happy... this is a pretty good December so far... I want it to be the new year and a new beginning but with this attitude please... thanks... now more pics

the night was killed

we had a great November... no snow... the second week in Dec we get some... not a big deal... but now everyones ass is puckered and no one wants to go out... too cold... too much snow...
I don't get it... when you are inside in a bar it's not cold... and....... IT'S FUCKIN DECEMBER IN CHICACO... you should no better... it's not your first rodeo... well or you got soft... I mean... this summer sucked as far as I know... was rainy... didn't get super nice... so what's the big deal... really... what is it... fine... I'll just eat McDonalds and go to sleep

Lap Top iPhone combo post

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This happened a bit ago

It's a simple life.. But it's me

New shit to try out

I'm going to start updating from my phone.. See if this works



S.O.G.G.

mega fail day 5

so.. day five was so hard and so bad... I didn't leave my bed till 4 and then went to work.. was hungry the whole day and didn't have shit for energy.. so I gave up and ate.. the cleans is a bad news if you push yourself.. i think that this is something you do when you chill... not exercise at all... just cleans... maybe do yoga and meditate.. but I couldn't even lift my bike today... I can't live with no energy and I ate.. so what.. 5 days

day 4 is finally over

I worked out too much on this cleanse maybe... I rode my bike 7 miles today... did a 5 min row to 1000 m on the row machine... 15 pull ups... 30 dead lifts #135 and then 100 sit ups... I napped a bunch today.. meaning I fell asleep a lot... I had no energy.. not even any bursts.. I was just tired and wanted to sleep.. I couldn't chug all the SWF this morning... it made my stomach hurt.. it was too small to take it... and I kept sneezing and spitting out lougies... my nose was runny when I woke up but now it's fine... I weighed myself yesterday and I was 227... but today I was over 230.. I think the scales at the gym are set to be heavier so people will work out more cuz i can already tell I am losing weight... I'm not going to work out tomorrow unless I feel like I have energy.. I rented 4 movies and plan to watch then and lay around before work... it's getting hard not to want to eat... I think working out as hard as I have was a bad idea.,... it's just making me hungry... if I just did the cleans I am sure I would be fine... I can't wait till paleo... I want meat so bad... 6 more days

movie day ... three

day 3... the flush wasn't as gross... everything seemed good.. went to the gym 50 squats 45#... 50 hang cleans 65#... 100 crunches... 10 quick bench press 135# then sauna and pool... couldn't hang in the sauna too long.. made me sick... I was tired all day... I would have quick bursts of energy then burn out.... it sucked riding my bike today... did 10 miles today.. week as fuck... I'm not tired at the moment but I am going to sleep deeply... I've been falling asleep early every night but I think it's because wake up at 10 am eryday.... the bad thing about today... and i feel good about it... is that I went to see two movies... bruno and harry potter... both gay... but there is a BBQ place across the street from the theater.. the smell of the meats and the popcorn.. fuck.. i was losing my shit... but I didn't fail.. rad... I just suggest not to go to the theater while doing the master cleanse... oh and don't go see bruno or harry potter... I think I'm so hungry that if I squeez my fat I can taste food... like the old pizza and hot dogs...

day 2.. pee butt

the sea salt wash was the worst thing about this so far I think.. I'm not going into detail.. it was just gross... but made me feel better about doing the cleanse... I woke up at 10am did the wash.. was done by noon.. fucked around and went for a bike ride.. 17 some miles then 50 push ups... 30 sit ups.. 80 scissors... 20 lunges... I found out I still have a gym membership... so I'm going there tomorrow.. I didn't drink any of the brine until around 12:30... I didn't finish it until 11:30.. i was so fucking hungry form around 8-10... it sucked... hunger pains... growling... but I just knew that I would drink the last of my juice and then get ready for bed... one more day down.. 12 to go... I am having the worst cravings ever... I think my body is having withdrawals from everything that made me fat in the first place... I know I'm not doing this to lose weight.. but I am pushing myself to the brink cuz I know that thinning is a side effect of cleanses... I the paleo to go back on the really cut all the unwanted weight.. well off to bed

the real first day

the first day didn't seem to bad... I didn't actually start drinking the brine until 2:30... I did some ups.. but no pull ups... did 35 push ups, 20 sit ups 60 scissors and 10 lunges... I know.. weak as fek... we'll see if I will have the energy off this diet to be able to do more than that... I finished my 60oz of juice around 10:45... I've had a headache for the last 3 hours... it seems everyone that does this gets one.. they say it's caffine withdrawll but I havn't been on the sauce for 3 days so that is hard to believe.. I think it's cuz i'm super hungry now... I'm deffinetly tired,.. I tried to ride my bike 20 miles today.. made it 5.4 miles... I forgot that I fucked up te front tire while I was in OH.. so I got it trued and I'm going to go ride after work... I decided not to drive my car the entire time either... so we'll see... I'm not worried.. 14 more days to go

The Before

kind of fail

I bought the maple syrup for the cleanse.. it was $17 for 12oz... I will buy the lemons and drinking water later tonight... but I ate food today... real food... a sandwich and some Mediterranean delights.. then ice cream.... yeah.. fuck you.,.. it's hard being addicted to food,... I'll start tomorrow... riding my bike as well as other exercises... push ups, sit ups, pull ups... you know... all the ups.... I hope I have energy to do work like the ups... we'll see... till tomorrow I guess...

I could end up hating myself

today I am embarking on a journey... the master cleanse... I start Monday for at least 10 days... I'm going to try for 15... today I started eating soft foods, veggie broth.. bananas and maybe a salad for a treat... tomorrow same thing.. soft foods.. basically shrink your stomach with solids before you start to starve yourself... I've read things about this master cleanse... I was never really into it because I didn't eat that crappy until i hit the road in august of last year... and when I came to Chicago it was worse.. the pizza here is too good... so I feel bound up.. full of junk and my belly has swollen a bit... I've gained 20lbs and become sluggish... the point is clear the system, exercise as much as I can without making myself sick from lack of intake... and then go strictly Paleo for the rest of my dying years... Paleo was the only "diet" that I was on that wasn't hard.. it made me feel great and I lost weight because my body didn't need to "store energy" because it was using the energy I was eating... blah blah blah.. I know.. boring... so I'm going to take some pics today and after the 15 days I'll take an other one to see if this cleans really sheds body weight and not just old shit in your bowels... as far as I know.,.. you drink lemon juiced spiced up with junk and then pee out of your ass... why do people do this... why am I going to do this... because i actually think it'll make me feel better... we'll see... wish me luck... I'll be posting every day about how I feel and what my body is doing through out this cleanse