Saturday, December 27, 2008

In a huge city

It seems I find a familiar place.. I bump into people I've known from my past.. or see the same people around the city like they fallow me... I got lost last night... the A train from Jay st to Utica was closed... I had to get to the G but grabbed the wrong shuttle buss and ended up in a mass frenzy then to Utica.... from Utica I was told I had to go back to Jay.. I got on the right bus and headed to my stop... while on the bus a black lesbian wanted to talk to me about my stretched ears and tattoos, she gave me her number and wanted to take me to the Dyke bars... she told me she hated blacks.. she was racist and she never picks up guys but totally wanted to hang out with me... haahahha.. fuck man.,.. this city... I bumped into this kid from SLC at the movies on Christ day (WTF in NYC... yeah fer realz) ... He's a cool kid.. i guess he lives here... we are going to meet up tonight and do the damn thing.. I'm Equipped with my camera so hopefully it's worth it... thanks for reading... I want you inside me

Sunday, December 14, 2008

the word is out

I really do hate New York... I think what I hate more is people that expect you to do nice things for them.. or that they think the world or people owe them something... but they don't work for something and have nothing to offer anyone else... yeah.. I hate that more than New York... I've been taking pictures... I'll post them soon... as soon as I get a chance...

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Friendships come and go

It's interesting to know that somethings are more important than a support group... A friendship to me becames something like family, because I don't have a family... I have friends.. Then I have my best friends, my family... The ones that I let my guard down... Take away the walls and know that having them hurt me isn't that big of a deal because when they hurt it's to force growth and the support I get after word is to aid that growth... I rely on them... On that... I don't get mad at superficial bullshit... Don't hold grudges... Because I would rather have that support than to be alone... But this is where I am different... Some people don't have to feel that connected to people... Blood is thicker than water... I don't have that blood... I'm just water... It's hard to be told that you have to carry something when you've carried it for so long you just know it's time for it to be on it's own... That's how I feel now... I understand nothing will ever be 50/50 but to me 75/25 isn't worth that much work... I guess I'm a bad guy and no one will ever get me... But I will say this.... Someone told me that even though I don't have faith in a god.. I have to have faith in people... That is what makes community... But at this point.. If that person doesn't have faith in their selves.. Then it's hard for me to have faith in them... And if that person has no faith in me.. Then once again... I have no faith in them... This is a dilemma I have to face... But right now I would rather just be me.... It's a bullshit way out.. I don't know what else to do... Do I move on.. Or think that I'll get a sorry... I feel like I've been tossed aside... So I've tossed aside... People come and go... Life goes on regardless if I'm here or not... What is important in life and what is involved in that possess... Change happens if you like it or not... But nothing is anyones fault except my own.. And that goes for everyone else... I reap what I sow... And I'm not pointing the finger here... I'm just tired of talking to a brick wall... I feel like I'd get a better response from explaining things to the wind... I think the saddest thing about this too.. Is that the people that say are my true friends don't even read or care about this... So.. We'll see if it will turn to just an other passing face.. Like I said... I'm just water... And that water can just be under a bridge...

Monday, November 17, 2008

ladies and gentlemen

The Beard

Thursday, November 13, 2008

It's been a minute.. back to no good

I'm in Lansing still... if I haven't told anyoen yet but it is no shave November... So that meand Novembeard.. it's gettin pretty large and burly... I want to shave my neck.. but I'm so use to it that I'm jsut going to let it fly... I'm trying to let it just go for as long as I can... I'll post some pics of it tomorrow I promise... I got a job offer in Chicago... I'm going to go check it out... I don't really have use for SLC anymore.. it seems ever sence I left my friends just are ok with me being gone.. it was like nothing changed... it hurts to say but life happens regardless of if I'm here or not, as selfish as it is to say.. but I'm living for me now.. and I can't try to make them happy by staying there, I know they want me to.. but their actions say otherwise... When I moved from MT to UT 2 of my friends came to visit... one of them ended up moving there but we never realy hang out... I mean when I left Montana I just packed up and left... I bet I'll do the same this time... just up and leave... just say goodbye and not come back.,.. Maybe I should tell them... I realy wanted to open a shop there too... but I needed help from my friends to do it... I don't mind doing the work.. but if they want to be a part of it too, maybe they should show a bit more interest then is being shown... What will they say when I tell them I'm not coming back... will they care.. will they visit me.... I'm trying not to look at it like I do.. but I'm sure you knwo what I think... I'm trying to get to NYC before I go to CHitown... I hate NYC but I think this time is going to be different.. I'm a bit more prepaired and am a different person, I think I can manage this time... we'll see... oh I made a little dance mix and am posting this bitch on here... hit it up... and shake yo dick

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

a Turning point

if things go bad today... and if it's jsut more bullshit... I'm moving out of the country.. if you know what I mean... on a lighter note... nice dick bro!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I wish

that my lap top didn't shit the bed... I need some money... and I need to get this show on the road... there is nothing I really want to do except ralley to get my campiegn going... I want to start the hype now!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I understand who I am

But a lot of people don't get it.. so it's hard for me to be comfortable with people that don't get it.... I will always be really comfortable everywhere I go.. I don't really have a comfort zone.. so being able to go anywhere and hang out with anyone confuses and perplexes people... let me tell you this.. comfort isn't anything.. it's not real... and if you can't be yourself anywhere you go.. then that is your problem.. not mine... so don't look at me like there is something wrong with me... it's you that is broken... and your insecurities are flooding you to the point that it effects me... that is sick... bottle up your poison and burn it.. because it makes the world sick...

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Running for Dead Prez

I decided to run for Presedent... I don't turn 35 till a bit so the next time I can run isn't until 2016.. If the world doesn't end in 2012 then it is on... I've been traveling enough this year to almost hit every state in the union.. I just need to get on raising funds for my campiene, which I'm statring emediatly... I'm going to hype it so hard now that by 2016 everyone will know who i am and will want to vote for me... I am a real "Merican" I can definetly do the damn things.... it's on, who wants to be vice...

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

the first pic post in a while

well I finally got ahold of a computer.. sent a pic from my phone to my email.. and now I'm going to post it on here for yalls to enjoy.. her name is raider... and she was my best friend for the last couple days... I took vids of her and I and some other pics but they are on my cam and can't get them off just yet.. so till then this is all you get.. I'll just tell you this.. the situation I was in basicly made my month... and I'm very happy I took a chance... very happy

Friday, October 10, 2008

Walking makes you think a bit

Got off work tonight and walked about 5 miles to the theater... Good thing it wasn't really cold.. Asked this girl if she wanted to go but she didn't text me back... Figures... But I don't really mind going alone... The walk here I thought of all these great things to blog about.. One got me real jazzed... The difference between dating an 19 year old girl or a 29 year old woman... ideas burst in my head as I compared the 2... But as I walked.. Truth set in.. And I'm just at a point where it's hard to be funny... It's hard to really be me.. I feel very unstable... Lost... Unwelcome... And out of the loop... My first thought is if I did this to myself... But I can't take the blame this time.. The world is very cold these days.. And I think my time is closing... I don't know how.. Or why.. But it just seems time to unplug.. Drop out... Let go... And see what happens... I feel like if nothing changes soon... I'll be homeless and crazy on the streets... Is it that kind of year or did I make too many wrong turns now I'm in a dead end street... The hard part is there is no one to blame and that includes me!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

for the fuck of it... for what it is worth

I seriously think no one reads this... seems this is where I can hide right now... but I have to say this.,.. when it rains it pours... I've never in my life felt that I am being able to see tons of amazing things and then the whole time told I can't have any of those things... I'm truly alone... truly have no niche, scene, home, family... and for the only time In my life I want all those things... I want to know... is it because I don't have them... or is it because I'm getting older... or is it the "don't know what you got till it's gone" syndrome... I feel hallow... and I'm doing my best to keep grounded... to keep focused... to move forward and to be the best I can be... and right now really... it is one of the hardest things I can do... and the funny thing is that I really don't want anyone to know these things... because I'm ashamed.. but.. fuck.. no one reads this.. no one cares... so I use this,.. to get it out.. and say something.. and then at the same time.. hope that someone will read it... and save me from the place I am right now... and I don't me in a physical scenes....

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Pissin in Butts

The act is known as a "Bee Sting"... It could probably, in my mind... Be the worst thing that you could do sexually before you start getting into poo poo eating... Living in Utah for the last few years really got me trained... That state is sexually repressed... Very... I think if you go to the sex offender registry in SLC it seems like someone sneezed on a map of the city with a bloody nose... Most woman even in their 40's haven't even had an orgasm... I know that this is a common thing every where.. But there are a lot of woman with huge fake breasts in salt lake.. Who are fit.. And very sexually attractive... And for what... Why do they do it.. So they can have sex without a finish... No!... It's to get a husband... So they can go to heaven.... So in turn.. This makes having sex with these girls very easy.. Because they think it will get them close to a man... It's just not regular sex that you can have with these woman.. They want and will tell you that they want to do very dirty things... Just to get you to stay or be with them... I've fed into it for the last 3 years... And I realized that I'm bored because there is nothing more that a sea of 6's that you don't even have to kiss to fuck... It is truly more challenging to just get a date with a 6 outside of Utah... Basically this rant ends with this... Utah is the most disgusting state in the union... Due to the fact of no separation of church and state... People live a sick life of lies and sexual addictions... I could be a part of this.. I haven't figured that out yet,.. But I do know that I feel like Utah gave me a Bee Sting because I'm scared to move away from it because I might actually have to work at hanging out with girls... And it's humiliating to admit.. That I'm really not that cool or attractive.. It's like admitting I have pee in my butt

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Opportunity in L.A.

I fly back to Utah on thurs... then fly to L.A. for a day to check out a shop that needs a piercer and manager... I don't know how to feel about this because the owners don't know anything about the industry... but they want it to be super high end.... apparently the whole place is hands free and has flat screen TV's all over with ipod jacks and shit in them.. nuts... there is also some other things that were said... I will not be post them yet due to the fact that it sounded very cheese dick and I don't want this to seem retarded... but I will take pics... post them on sunday or something.... wish me luck.. because I'm not putting any eggs in this basket.. yet

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Buffalo, NY

It's been interesting here... I can't really describe what it's like yet because my stay isn't over... But trying to do things alone isn't very motavating... I had my camera on me every night but still took less pictures here than I did at my dads funeral... But to let you know... I did go to Niagra Falls today and took pics under the falls in a pair of shorty shorts... Pics soon... It sucks to not have a computer... But I promise things will get going for this blog...

Sunday, September 21, 2008

sorry about the lack of posts

my computer crashed.... I quit my job... now I'm traveling the US piercing... so as soon as I figure out what is next I will be finishing up some old episodes and posting them... so till then... keep it real and I'll try to post ragular text blogs.. i know... fekin borin... but it's the best I can do... oh and PS.. stay away from buffalo NY... it's boring.. but then again... I have a week and a half left here.... i could spice it up... For the Win

Monday, May 19, 2008

it has begun

welcome to my life as I see it...