waking up bruised

it seemed dead today.. but piercings flowed in and went smooth... I still love piercing... I had some cravings.. but I easily crushed them with the fear of how gross it makes me feel thinking about sugar now... I got in a fight with ice today.. wrecked the old bike twice.. on the same side.. my hip and elbow will be bruised... my wrist is a little swollen.. bike is fine... remember.. I can't go fast like I can when it's dry... tomorrow is party night.. I am interested in meeting these people for real.. I need a push.. a har push to be that person I was when I worked out all the time.. I am doing the best myself.. but a little unity helps a person grow stronger

2011.. the new dawn

I've set myself apart... I've felt like being alone is the best for me.... I am everything I need and no one can hurt me... this is what I've thought for the last few years... I felt I've never fit in... that I have no place... that I can't be loved or have deep relationships with people... I have no home or family... I've tried and tried and tried to connect and failed... I did all this on my own terms.. having terrible expectations on people that I had no control over... I made myself an asshole... no surprise... all the relationships I've had with woman and friends.. short lived... fair weathered... I've moved place to place, searching for something different... I was never impressed.... All I had was me...

But something happened....

I took accountability for my actions... I realized that I did this... I don't have to anymore...

I am working on it now.. working one it... legitimately... I just want to be happy.. I want to be healthy... I want to be wise.. I want to grow old... I've set goals.... It's been 5 days since I've eaten candy or drank soda.... I signed up for the Warrior Dash on Jan 5th.... I'm going back to doing crossfit, and surprisingly have been invited into a tight knit group quickly... 2010 I did a lot of changing and growing up... but this year I build a real foundation.... I am happy right now.. I just see myself getting happier.... I see more growth... maturity.... strength... I feel like myself.. I feel like I'm worth sharing...

this is where is starts
I'm 240 lbs... now it's time to set records and cut down to what I feel is comfortable... right now this is what I look like

this year is time for a change... but it's a change for the better... it's a change that is wanted and understood... it's time to open up... move forward... break free.. To be Alive again!