In a huge city

It seems I find a familiar place.. I bump into people I've known from my past.. or see the same people around the city like they fallow me... I got lost last night... the A train from Jay st to Utica was closed... I had to get to the G but grabbed the wrong shuttle buss and ended up in a mass frenzy then to Utica.... from Utica I was told I had to go back to Jay.. I got on the right bus and headed to my stop... while on the bus a black lesbian wanted to talk to me about my stretched ears and tattoos, she gave me her number and wanted to take me to the Dyke bars... she told me she hated blacks.. she was racist and she never picks up guys but totally wanted to hang out with me... haahahha.. fuck man.,.. this city... I bumped into this kid from SLC at the movies on Christ day (WTF in NYC... yeah fer realz) ... He's a cool kid.. i guess he lives here... we are going to meet up tonight and do the damn thing.. I'm Equipped with my camera so hopefully it's worth it... thanks for reading... I want you inside me

the word is out

I really do hate New York... I think what I hate more is people that expect you to do nice things for them.. or that they think the world or people owe them something... but they don't work for something and have nothing to offer anyone else... yeah.. I hate that more than New York... I've been taking pictures... I'll post them soon... as soon as I get a chance...

Friendships come and go

It's interesting to know that somethings are more important than a support group... A friendship to me becames something like family, because I don't have a family... I have friends.. Then I have my best friends, my family... The ones that I let my guard down... Take away the walls and know that having them hurt me isn't that big of a deal because when they hurt it's to force growth and the support I get after word is to aid that growth... I rely on them... On that... I don't get mad at superficial bullshit... Don't hold grudges... Because I would rather have that support than to be alone... But this is where I am different... Some people don't have to feel that connected to people... Blood is thicker than water... I don't have that blood... I'm just water... It's hard to be told that you have to carry something when you've carried it for so long you just know it's time for it to be on it's own... That's how I feel now... I understand nothing will ever be 50/50 but to me 75/25 isn't worth that much work... I guess I'm a bad guy and no one will ever get me... But I will say this.... Someone told me that even though I don't have faith in a god.. I have to have faith in people... That is what makes community... But at this point.. If that person doesn't have faith in their selves.. Then it's hard for me to have faith in them... And if that person has no faith in me.. Then once again... I have no faith in them... This is a dilemma I have to face... But right now I would rather just be me.... It's a bullshit way out.. I don't know what else to do... Do I move on.. Or think that I'll get a sorry... I feel like I've been tossed aside... So I've tossed aside... People come and go... Life goes on regardless if I'm here or not... What is important in life and what is involved in that possess... Change happens if you like it or not... But nothing is anyones fault except my own.. And that goes for everyone else... I reap what I sow... And I'm not pointing the finger here... I'm just tired of talking to a brick wall... I feel like I'd get a better response from explaining things to the wind... I think the saddest thing about this too.. Is that the people that say are my true friends don't even read or care about this... So.. We'll see if it will turn to just an other passing face.. Like I said... I'm just water... And that water can just be under a bridge...

ladies and gentlemen

The Beard

It's been a minute.. back to no good

I'm in Lansing still... if I haven't told anyoen yet but it is no shave November... So that meand Novembeard.. it's gettin pretty large and burly... I want to shave my neck.. but I'm so use to it that I'm jsut going to let it fly... I'm trying to let it just go for as long as I can... I'll post some pics of it tomorrow I promise... I got a job offer in Chicago... I'm going to go check it out... I don't really have use for SLC anymore.. it seems ever sence I left my friends just are ok with me being gone.. it was like nothing changed... it hurts to say but life happens regardless of if I'm here or not, as selfish as it is to say.. but I'm living for me now.. and I can't try to make them happy by staying there, I know they want me to.. but their actions say otherwise... When I moved from MT to UT 2 of my friends came to visit... one of them ended up moving there but we never realy hang out... I mean when I left Montana I just packed up and left... I bet I'll do the same this time... just up and leave... just say goodbye and not come back.,.. Maybe I should tell them... I realy wanted to open a shop there too... but I needed help from my friends to do it... I don't mind doing the work.. but if they want to be a part of it too, maybe they should show a bit more interest then is being shown... What will they say when I tell them I'm not coming back... will they care.. will they visit me.... I'm trying not to look at it like I do.. but I'm sure you knwo what I think... I'm trying to get to NYC before I go to CHitown... I hate NYC but I think this time is going to be different.. I'm a bit more prepaired and am a different person, I think I can manage this time... we'll see... oh I made a little dance mix and am posting this bitch on here... hit it up... and shake yo dick