Saturday, January 10, 2009

the haunting explained



Have you ever had something that kept recurring that it seemed to be a messaged, waring sign or revaluation.... Did it ever spark a change in your life, did it have a huge impact... was it a dream, was it a name, was it a place... or was it a number... 138... 138 is mine.. just a number.. it started before I was ever into the misfits (We Are 138)... it started from a large highway exit sign in Montana... The Bearmouth Area was 30 miles from Missoula and I knew that I only had a short time before I got home from long road trips... later I seemed to always look at it, a marking point...
When I got my first cell phone text messages were key in communications (still is)to the point were I thought my phone would go off with a new text... I would obsessively check it.. soon I would randomly check my phone at the same time everyday, 1:38pm or 1:38 am... when I moved to Salt Lake City, UT it seemed to get worse, 1:38 and now 11:38.... More and more things happened... I don't want to bore you with all of the times but it got to the point of frustration... 2 years ago I got it Tattooed on the inside of my fingers on my left hand to come to terms with it... a few days later I was in a car with some friends going to Park City, UT.. the 3 girls we were with had no idea about the tattoo or the number... one of them on the way up said to the other two... don't forget mile marker 138.... the Driver freaked out, skeptical of my tattoo asked why she said that... She said something about a friend getting in an accident there and him dying... "show them your tattoo!" he said and I did.. I explained to them why and as I was finishing the story I said "Everyday I look at the clock at 1:38 or 11:38" I looked up at the clock on the stereo and said "like now!" and it was 11:38pm... everyone got freaked out and soon after the driver started seeing it everywhere... it seems when i explain it to people it starts to bother them... and 2008 has been bad for it... in Nov 2007 I was in NYC working at a shop and I met a lady whom went into a coma and when she woke up she was "a different soul, not the same person" the old her had died and an other entity took her vessel... I thought it to be weird and that sparked up a conversation after she left with one of my Co-workers about my 138 tattoo, the haunting and everything... About a week later the lady came back to give me something and my co-worker was freaked out.. I wasn't there and she was told to come back later... when I showed up the co-worker told me that the lady came back to give me a gift... I asked what it was and she just said "it's way weird and I don't like it... you'll see." A few hours later the lady came back and gave me a business card for a restaurant in Brooklyn called Apt. 138... I had 2 days left in the city and didn't try to really make it there.. I was a bit freaked out, but kept the card for a reminder...
A year later I came back to NYC, knowing that the place existed but had no intentions of going nor knew where it was... I got lost on a train because they closed a section of one down stopping me from easy transit... Got to a stop and went out to the street to see where I was... I surfaced turned to look down the street... Three store fronts in front of me was Apt. 138... plain as day and the only visible sign... I was an hour lost and almost home and was stopped dead in my tracks by it... it happened again a few weeks later... back in the same spot... 138... it's my number... I'm sorry if after you read this it starts to haunt you... There are many people with this problem... I've Googled it, searched things.. no meanings, no nothing... just the fact that it is what it is to whom it comes in contact with... I need to know... does this happen to you.. do you have a number, a word, a dream?

Saturday, December 27, 2008

In a huge city

It seems I find a familiar place.. I bump into people I've known from my past.. or see the same people around the city like they fallow me... I got lost last night... the A train from Jay st to Utica was closed... I had to get to the G but grabbed the wrong shuttle buss and ended up in a mass frenzy then to Utica.... from Utica I was told I had to go back to Jay.. I got on the right bus and headed to my stop... while on the bus a black lesbian wanted to talk to me about my stretched ears and tattoos, she gave me her number and wanted to take me to the Dyke bars... she told me she hated blacks.. she was racist and she never picks up guys but totally wanted to hang out with me... haahahha.. fuck man.,.. this city... I bumped into this kid from SLC at the movies on Christ day (WTF in NYC... yeah fer realz) ... He's a cool kid.. i guess he lives here... we are going to meet up tonight and do the damn thing.. I'm Equipped with my camera so hopefully it's worth it... thanks for reading... I want you inside me

Sunday, December 14, 2008

the word is out

I really do hate New York... I think what I hate more is people that expect you to do nice things for them.. or that they think the world or people owe them something... but they don't work for something and have nothing to offer anyone else... yeah.. I hate that more than New York... I've been taking pictures... I'll post them soon... as soon as I get a chance...

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Friendships come and go

It's interesting to know that somethings are more important than a support group... A friendship to me becames something like family, because I don't have a family... I have friends.. Then I have my best friends, my family... The ones that I let my guard down... Take away the walls and know that having them hurt me isn't that big of a deal because when they hurt it's to force growth and the support I get after word is to aid that growth... I rely on them... On that... I don't get mad at superficial bullshit... Don't hold grudges... Because I would rather have that support than to be alone... But this is where I am different... Some people don't have to feel that connected to people... Blood is thicker than water... I don't have that blood... I'm just water... It's hard to be told that you have to carry something when you've carried it for so long you just know it's time for it to be on it's own... That's how I feel now... I understand nothing will ever be 50/50 but to me 75/25 isn't worth that much work... I guess I'm a bad guy and no one will ever get me... But I will say this.... Someone told me that even though I don't have faith in a god.. I have to have faith in people... That is what makes community... But at this point.. If that person doesn't have faith in their selves.. Then it's hard for me to have faith in them... And if that person has no faith in me.. Then once again... I have no faith in them... This is a dilemma I have to face... But right now I would rather just be me.... It's a bullshit way out.. I don't know what else to do... Do I move on.. Or think that I'll get a sorry... I feel like I've been tossed aside... So I've tossed aside... People come and go... Life goes on regardless if I'm here or not... What is important in life and what is involved in that possess... Change happens if you like it or not... But nothing is anyones fault except my own.. And that goes for everyone else... I reap what I sow... And I'm not pointing the finger here... I'm just tired of talking to a brick wall... I feel like I'd get a better response from explaining things to the wind... I think the saddest thing about this too.. Is that the people that say are my true friends don't even read or care about this... So.. We'll see if it will turn to just an other passing face.. Like I said... I'm just water... And that water can just be under a bridge...

Monday, November 17, 2008

ladies and gentlemen





The Beard