Walking makes you think a bit

Got off work tonight and walked about 5 miles to the theater... Good thing it wasn't really cold.. Asked this girl if she wanted to go but she didn't text me back... Figures... But I don't really mind going alone... The walk here I thought of all these great things to blog about.. One got me real jazzed... The difference between dating an 19 year old girl or a 29 year old woman... ideas burst in my head as I compared the 2... But as I walked.. Truth set in.. And I'm just at a point where it's hard to be funny... It's hard to really be me.. I feel very unstable... Lost... Unwelcome... And out of the loop... My first thought is if I did this to myself... But I can't take the blame this time.. The world is very cold these days.. And I think my time is closing... I don't know how.. Or why.. But it just seems time to unplug.. Drop out... Let go... And see what happens... I feel like if nothing changes soon... I'll be homeless and crazy on the streets... Is it that kind of year or did I make too many wrong turns now I'm in a dead end street... The hard part is there is no one to blame and that includes me!

for the fuck of it... for what it is worth

I seriously think no one reads this... seems this is where I can hide right now... but I have to say this.,.. when it rains it pours... I've never in my life felt that I am being able to see tons of amazing things and then the whole time told I can't have any of those things... I'm truly alone... truly have no niche, scene, home, family... and for the only time In my life I want all those things... I want to know... is it because I don't have them... or is it because I'm getting older... or is it the "don't know what you got till it's gone" syndrome... I feel hallow... and I'm doing my best to keep grounded... to keep focused... to move forward and to be the best I can be... and right now really... it is one of the hardest things I can do... and the funny thing is that I really don't want anyone to know these things... because I'm ashamed.. but.. fuck.. no one reads this.. no one cares... so I use this,.. to get it out.. and say something.. and then at the same time.. hope that someone will read it... and save me from the place I am right now... and I don't me in a physical scenes....

Pissin in Butts

The act is known as a "Bee Sting"... It could probably, in my mind... Be the worst thing that you could do sexually before you start getting into poo poo eating... Living in Utah for the last few years really got me trained... That state is sexually repressed... Very... I think if you go to the sex offender registry in SLC it seems like someone sneezed on a map of the city with a bloody nose... Most woman even in their 40's haven't even had an orgasm... I know that this is a common thing every where.. But there are a lot of woman with huge fake breasts in salt lake.. Who are fit.. And very sexually attractive... And for what... Why do they do it.. So they can have sex without a finish... No!... It's to get a husband... So they can go to heaven.... So in turn.. This makes having sex with these girls very easy.. Because they think it will get them close to a man... It's just not regular sex that you can have with these woman.. They want and will tell you that they want to do very dirty things... Just to get you to stay or be with them... I've fed into it for the last 3 years... And I realized that I'm bored because there is nothing more that a sea of 6's that you don't even have to kiss to fuck... It is truly more challenging to just get a date with a 6 outside of Utah... Basically this rant ends with this... Utah is the most disgusting state in the union... Due to the fact of no separation of church and state... People live a sick life of lies and sexual addictions... I could be a part of this.. I haven't figured that out yet,.. But I do know that I feel like Utah gave me a Bee Sting because I'm scared to move away from it because I might actually have to work at hanging out with girls... And it's humiliating to admit.. That I'm really not that cool or attractive.. It's like admitting I have pee in my butt

Opportunity in L.A.

I fly back to Utah on thurs... then fly to L.A. for a day to check out a shop that needs a piercer and manager... I don't know how to feel about this because the owners don't know anything about the industry... but they want it to be super high end.... apparently the whole place is hands free and has flat screen TV's all over with ipod jacks and shit in them.. nuts... there is also some other things that were said... I will not be post them yet due to the fact that it sounded very cheese dick and I don't want this to seem retarded... but I will take pics... post them on sunday or something.... wish me luck.. because I'm not putting any eggs in this basket.. yet

Buffalo, NY

It's been interesting here... I can't really describe what it's like yet because my stay isn't over... But trying to do things alone isn't very motavating... I had my camera on me every night but still took less pictures here than I did at my dads funeral... But to let you know... I did go to Niagra Falls today and took pics under the falls in a pair of shorty shorts... Pics soon... It sucks to not have a computer... But I promise things will get going for this blog...